


PC Assembly

by ProdigyBlood



Category: South Park
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cartman’s an ass, Elementary School, Gen, One Shot, PC Principal being his usual self, Sort Of, Very mild spoilers for season 22, gender fluid, school assembly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 22:10:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16416920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProdigyBlood/pseuds/ProdigyBlood
Summary: PC Principal calls an assembly to raise awareness of gender fluidity after one student approaches him to come out.





	PC Assembly

**Author's Note:**

> I felt like writing something a little different :))
> 
>  
> 
> _Disclaimer: I am not gender fluid and I apologise if I got anything wrong. If anything bothers you feel free to let me know and I can change it :) I certainly don’t want to offend anyone with what I hope is just a fun little one shot_

“Alright everyone, listen up. One of your fellow students came to me recently because they wanted to publicly announce something important to them. Before that student comes up here, though, I think we need to discuss an important topic. Can anybody tell me what gender fluid means? Anybody? Cartman.” Above his shades, the principal drew his eyebrows together, clearly surprised at the hand that waved in the air. 

“It’s the liquid inside of you that determines whether you’re a chick or a dude,” Eric Cartman said, sounding certain of himself. A couple of students sniggered. 

“Okay, no. That is not correct, bro. I can’t tell if you’re genuinely stupid or taking the piss right now.”

“He’s just stupid,” Kyle Broflovski chipped in, ignoring the glare sent to him by the fat boy to his left. 

“And that’s two days of detention, Broflovski. I’ll see you at four. _Students!_ It is not okay to discriminate one another like this, do you hear? It’s twenty-eighteen now, and this behaviour is _not_ okay.”

“Thanks a lot, fatass,” Kyle hissed under his breath. 

“Serves you right, you goddamn Jew,” Cartman sniped back, not keeping his voice as quiet as he probably should have given present company. 

“And that’s two days of detention for you, too. Do I have to come up there and break your legs, bro? _Do I_?”

“Jesus Christ,” Stan mumbled under his breath, eyes wide as he regarded the man wearily. PC Principal never failed to surprise him with his intensity. He took being PC to a whole other level but then would always make a sudden u-turn right back again; after all, threatening to break ten-year-olds legs wasn’t particularly PC. 

Apparently the vice principal was on the same page as Stan. “PC Principle,” she reprimanded, with a hard glare. Even with the two babies cradled in her arms she looked a force to be reckoned with. “Threatening abuse is _not_ the way to handle this.”

The principal looked down sheepishly. “You’re right, Vice Principal Strong Woman. I apologise.” 

“Don’t apologise to me.” Motherhood seemed to have given the vice principal a new edge. She spoke to the principal like he was a naughty toddler caught with his hand in the cookie jar. It was effective as hell on the man, though. 

“I apologise, Eric. I should not have threatened violence towards you.” Judging from the tight line his lips had formed, underneath his shades, his eyes were most definitely twitching. 

“Damn straight,” Cartman said, tugging at his coat to straighten it. 

PC Principal looked like he wanted to say something else but one sharp look from Strong Woman stopped him in his tracks. He cleared his throat. 

“Okay, back to the topic at hand. Gender queer, or non binary, is the catch-all for people who do not identity as solely male or female. These people may identity as having two or more genders, none at all or they may switch between being male and female. That is what gender fluid is. Do you all follow?” There was a murmur of acknowledgement from the students on the bleachers, all aware that their silence would only cause the man to fall into a fit of rage. 

“So which one of these faggots do you think it is?” Cartman asked his friends under his breath. 

“Well hey now, Eric,” Butters Stotch scolded. “I don’t think that’s a mighty nice thing of you to say.”

“ _Aha_ , it’s you, isn’t it? Goddamnit, Butters, you didn’t need to get Principal Douchebag to drag us all into a lame assembly for it. We already know you suck.”

“It’s not me, fellas,” Butters argued. “I can’t be gender fluid, I’d get grounded for sure.”

“Lying sack of shit,” Cartman hissed. 

“Leave Butters alone, Cartman,” Stan said, before turning his attention to the blond in question. “Butters it’s cool if you’re gender fluid or whatever, okay? This assembly _is_ pretty lame, though.” 

“I’m telling ya, fellas, it’s not me.”

“Oh whatever.” Cartman gave a dramatic roll of his eyes. Ignoring PC Principal who was still talking, he turned to his right. “Kinny, who’d you think it is?” 

Kenny McCormick just ignored him. 

“Well screw you, po’ boy!”

From the seats in front of them, Wendy Testaburger and Bebe Stevens both turned around to glare. “Will you guys shut the fuck up?” Bebe hissed.

“Yeah, this is actually a really important assembly,” Wendy said, eyes narrowed. 

“Shut up, bitch.”

“Dude, don’t call my girlfriend a bitch.”

“Shut your goddamn pie hole, Stan Marsh!” PC Principal seemed to have finally cottoned on to the conversation that was happening in the bleachers. Pointing at Stan, he shouted the command down his microphone. Stan sank lower into his seat, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

The Principal kept his gaze levelled on Stan for a minute further before continuing his speech. 

“I hope whoever it is knows that Cartman doesn’t speak for everybody,” Wendy said to Bebe. Cartman narrowed his eyes and his friends could practically hear the clockwork as his mind tried to come up with a way to humiliate the raven haired girl. 

“ _Who_ do you think it is?” Bebe said back. She flipped her blonde curls over her shoulder and scanned the crowd of students, looking for anyone who stood out. 

“It can’t be one of the girls, right?” Wendy asked. “They would have told us for sure.”

“Maybe your lame-ass friends don’t trust you as much as you’d like,” Cartman snipped.

“All my friends are lame, are they? Oh, so that must mean you’ve managed to _finally_ get over Heidi dumping your fat ass, right?” Wendy said, staring unblinking back at the fat boy. His cheeks turned a shade of pink and he folded his arms across his chest, grumbling under his breath. “That’s what I thought,” Wendy said smugly. “Shut the fuck up, Cartman.”

“Guys, does it really matter who it is?” Kyle asked. “They’ll still be our friend regardless, right?”

“Speak for yourself,” Cartman grumbled. “I don’t want to hang out with no faggy queer.” 

“I swear to God… Shut the fuck up, Cartman.”

“Or what?” Cartman arched an eyebrow, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. 

“Or he’ll beat the crap out of you,” Stan answered, sounding bored. “Look, let’s just pay attention. It looks like PC Principal is finally rounding up. Guess we’re about to find out who it is.”

“Better get ready then, Butters,” Cartman said, only dragging his gaze away from Kyle as he got to the blond’s name. 

“Okay, so I hope you all now understand a little clearer. Any questions?” PC Principal said. He scanned the crowd of students but nobody raised their hand. “Okay then. Well, would the student in question like to come down?”

Nobody moved. 

Murmurs started up amongst the students as they all gazed around, attempting to spot any movement. 

“It’s okay,” the principal said. “I’ll make sure anyone who thinks they’re funny get’s what’s coming to them.” His gaze seemed to seek out Cartman at that moment. The brunet scowled. 

Still nobody moved. 

“Go on Butters,” Stan hissed, shoving at the blond’s shoulder. 

“I told you fella’s already – ” Butters started to protest but he promptly fell silently as Kenny climbed to his feet. 

“Holy shit, dude,” Stan said as the parka wearing student slipped past him and started making his way down to the gym floor. 

“No way,” Kyle breathed, eyes wide. 

“I fucking _knew_ Kinny was – ”

“-No you didn’t,” Kyle snapped. “And don’t you even _think_ about saying anything shitty to him.” 

All around them, children were whispering to one another, eyes on Kenny as he finally approached the adults. 

“M’kay, thank you Kenny. You’re very brave, m’kay?” Mr Mackey said, smiling encouragingly at the small orange blob. 

“Silence!” the Principal bellowed to the chattering students. Nobody listened. “I said shut your fucking mouths!” 

The talking stopped instantly. A pin drop could have been heard in the silence that followed. Kenny pulled at the strings of his parka, his large blue eyes nervously avoiding all the eyes that stared down at him like he was an animal locked in a cage for their entertainment. 

“That’s better,” PC Principal said. “Now, Kenny told me that he identifies as male some days and female on others. Isn’t that right, Kenny?”

“Um, yeah,” Kenny said, his voice muffled. He shifted from foot to foot, wondering why he had thought this was a good idea at the time. Now that everybody’s eyes were on him, he was hoping for one of his untimely deaths. Anything to stop being the centre of attention.

“You little shits better make sure you use the correct pronouns, you hear?”

“How’re we meant to know?” Craig Tucker asked, his voice as monotonous as ever. He just looked bored as he stared at the principle, his gaze unwavering. 

“What do you mean?” The principles fists curled tighter around his mic. 

“It’s not like we’ve ever seen Kenny out of his hood. How do we know what gender to assume?”

“Yeah, that’s way too much pressure, man!” Tweek Tweak pipped up, holding a flask of coffee close to his chest.

“Kenny, are you going to go by gender neutral pronouns?” Wendy asked. “Should we refer to you as they and them?”

Kenny looked down at the ground, wishing it would swallow him whole. All he wanted to was to wear cute skirts and headbands. He didn’t want all this. The assembly had, of course, been PC Principle’s idea. He’d pretty much bullied him into it. Now he was wondering whether he should have just shown up to school one day in a dress. Knowing his friends, they would have done a double take and then acted as if nothing was amiss. 

When he realised everyone was staring at him expectedly, Kenny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he exhaled, he raised a slightly trembly hand to his hood and, to a collection of gasps, lowered it. 

“I haven’t really figured it all out myself yet,” he said, his voice a little too quiet to be addressing such a large crowd. Only the deathly silence carried his words. “Sometimes I just want to wear cute girls clothes, is all.”

“Good for you,” someone yelled out. Kenny didn’t catch who it was. 

“Can we take you shopping?” one of the girls called out eagerly. Chimes of excited agreement rang out at the suggestion. 

Kenny let out a brief sigh of relief as more and more support was yelled down towards him. It didn’t matter that he hadn’t figured everything out yet. He was only ten-years-old, after all. He had plenty of time for that. 

“So do you like boys or girls?” another student lost in the crowd of many yelled. 

“Are you kidding?” Cartman answered with a snort. “Kenny will fuck anything with a hole.” A small amount of laughter chimed out.

“Yeah,” Kenny agreed, “except for you, fatass.”

“AY! Goddamnit, I wouldn’t fuck you either, po’boy!”

“That’s another week’s detention right there,” PC Principal yelled, pointing directly at Cartman as the rest of the crowds laughter picked up at Kenny’s come back. 

Kenny smiled as he watched his fellow students laugh. This definitely wasn’t so bad. All things considered, it had gone quite well. Especially as it seemed he now had a shopping trip with all the cute girls to look forward too…


End file.
